Retroactive posts

Since I didn't write during the most important time of my life, I am going to retroactively write about some things that happened, as I feel like it.

All throughout the wedding chaos it never really hit me that I'm getting married. Sure, I was getting congratulated dozens of times a day, and everything in my family's life was revolving around the wedding, but it never really hit me all the way. The day of the haldi it hit me a little more, when all the aunties sang 'banni' songs and blessed me ... it invoked the image I had seen so many times before at other weddings ... and knowing that I was the one they were singing for was a big hitting point.

Even the day of the wedding, when I was remarkably composed and not stressing out or being a basket case ... I calmly got ready for the wedding. We even sneaked out onto the balcony in our bath robes and saw the baraat leaving -- even then it didn't hit me. We continued getting me ready out in the bedroom, since the lighting was better there. When all was ready, and we went in front of a mirror for the final touches, I saw myself for the first time as a bride, and it was a surprisingly overwhelming feeling. If I didn't have Smita and Shilpa didi there at the time, I would have probably burst out into tears right then and there. It's hard to explain what was so emotional about that image ... perhaps the lifetime of imagining this moment ... or the associations that Hindi movies (and other weddings we've been to) have created with a bride ... but the Indian bride has such a specific look ... and knowing that this is the first and the last time you'll ever look like this ... it bears more impact than you'd realize.

The only other time that it hit me that I was getting married was when my father was bringing me out to the altar ... and I stood there in front of all 150 guests -- friends, family -- and directly in front of me was my Dulha, again, in a very specific look that he will never repeat again in his life. I almost started crying then, but my dad was with me and said 'Don't cry yet! It'll ruin your makeup!' If that doesn't make someone laugh, I don't know what would.

And now I've digressed so much that I haven't talked about what I really wanted to say. Will have to save that for another post.

Dead Blog

My blog has died ... but I don't think anyone has noticed :-(

Change of Pace

I never write on this thing anymore. There is so much that I'm going to skip talking about -- the wrap of the film shoot, the aftermath of nightmares related to the shoot, a 3 day trip to Paris with Vaishali, Mamta didi, and Rachana, which included the realization that Paris sucks unless you're the ultra-riche. And now I'm back in San Jose -- finally!!!

It's great to be back home. Chilling with my parents is great. Seeing my fiance, of course, is great. But the best is that I have nothing to worry about except the wedding. Which, frankly, isn't that worrisome, yet anyway, bc Vaishali has taken over most of the logistical coordination stuff -- I'm just giving my opinion on how things should be done. It's like she's the producer of the production, I'm the director (and the star!!) ... I guess that makes Dad the executive producer ... lol.

Vaishali and I have started a crazy, self-imposed bridal bootcamp. It's only Day 2 but I feel like I should have lost 2 lbs already because I feel that tired and hungry all the time!! Hopefully the results, 4 weeks from now, will be worth it, bc I miss pigging out on fries and triple chocolate muffins.

Just another Friday

When we're working on a film, everything in your life tends to revolve around that film. Friday is not seen as a Friday, or the end of a work week (because it's not) ... but is more like June 29th, Day 34 (of 42).

So when we began filming Friday morning, I couldn't have been bothered with what was going on in the world around me. I only happened to see the news the night before and knew that a new Prime Minister and cabinet had been instated into Britain's government.

And then we heard about the car full of explosives found in front of the Tiger Tiger night club in Leicester Square -- the same club that Kutu & I had partied at a few Tuesdays ago. A few hours later we heard that Park Lane and Regent's Park had been blocked off because another car full of explosives was found. Again, an area that is a stone's throw away from our own flat, and where we had been shooting just 3 days earlier. Had this happened then, our entire shoot would have been forced to evacuate the area, and shooting would have been cancelled. Notice how I only think about shooting. Not about how if the bombs had gone off, God forbid, what a calamity that would have been. Nope -- I just think about my shooting schedule, and how I would have to recover from those losses.

We continued to shoot throughout the day, deterred only by traffic and the rain. Dozens of police sirens rang loudly in the background of our shots, but nothing major. We heard about another car full of explosives found in Shepherd's Bush -- but when I looked on the net, I could find nothing about it. I had a lot of down time on that particular day of shooting (a rarity) ... and I reflected upon how close we had come to such a horribly frightening situation. How did the police manage to find these THREE random cars?? It almost felt like it was planned -- to make the 1 day old Prime Minister look like a hero. I mean ... when the first car was discovered, don't you think these terrorists would expedite the plan for their other cars and set those off asap?

Our shooting ended 12:30am that night, and as we drove home, we saw dozens of people in front of clubs, pubs, and bars. As always, I had forgotten that it was a Friday. But it really just felt like any other Friday night in London. Everybody had gotten a little anxious around the time they heard the news, but it didn't really affect anyone that much. I couldn't help but wonder -- is this the sign of a nation becoming immuned to terror?

Blimey!!!

Just when I learn how to upload a video the hard way (manually), Blogger comes up with a simple 'Post Video' link for all posts.

First Video Post!!

I've been meaning to put up a video on my blog for months now -- it's really not that complex of a process if you know what you're doing. Hopefully it'll be a lot simpler in the future now that I have an idea of what to do. This was taken at Mamta didi's house after that first night I went over there (and wrote on my blog abt it). Since then I've stopped taking photos and videos -- which is not something I'm proud of. But I AM proud of my effort to put up this video!!!

Click To Play

Light at the End of the Tunnel

Just completed 4 weeks out of 7. There's still so much left to do, but at least it feels like if I've survived this long, it can only get better, not worse -- right?

Every day is such a challenge, on so many different levels -- personally, professionally, physically, emotionally. The growth curve is huge -- and like every film I've done in the past, I know I'm going to come out a stronger, smarter individual, with a plethora of newly gained knowledge. I'm never going to remember the stress, the minute-to-minute chaos, the dread I feel at certain times each day (like when there's a phone call you REALLY don't want to take, but of course they're going to call you, over & over again).

I often feel down about myself, because it's such a thankless job. At the end of the day, you may have resolved 10 issues, but there are still another 15 that have come up, of which 5 are just unavoidable, and you just have to bear the brunt of it.

But the other day, speaking to my friend Smriti made me feel soooo much better about myself. She's a producer & writer -- I can't imagine why anyone would want to produce, but that's a whole different story. She recently directed a short film, and was giving accolades to being a director, because she found it to be a huge challenge -- and it made her realize how important the experience was for her as a producer to see the other side of it. Somehow, even though I always knew that in the back of my mind, it just made me feel much better to hear it from someone in a similar position as me. That even though I may not be cut out to produce, it's an important skill for me to at least learn (even if I don't put it into practice) bc it'll only help me on the other side, as a director.

Anyway -- that was my two cents on it. 3 weeks left!!!