Getting there

Just enjoyed a great evening hanging out w my son.... Came back from work not feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and made it a point to put away the phone n just hang out w Puchku. We had a 'picnic' in the backyard - I've been doing this a lot lately- I spread a sheet on the lawn and we hang out in mom n dads beautiful yard... And bc it's a picnic, there's gotta be food... So I feed him in the outdoors. It's fun :)

Slowing down ... slowly

So, I didn't really slow down that much. I'm trying, but it's not really happening. I extricated myself from a couple of things, but that still wasn't enough. I still feel like I'm running around in circles, trying to get things done, but doing justice to none of them. I feel like there are three choices:

a) be a stay-at-home mom and abandon career -- then you'll finally feel like you're doing justice to being a mom
b) have an ambitious career woman -- hire a full-time nanny, and feel like you're doing justice to your career and continuing to move forward there
c) juggle both -- work from home at 1/4 the capacity that you would normally accomplish stuff in, take baby occasionally to work stuff, and hope people don't mind; leaving baby occasionally at home and feeling guilty about it when you do.

I chose Option C, which is the 'half-assing everything' option. 

Need to slow down

My life has started becoming crazy busy again. I'm working almost at the same pace I used to work at before I had a kid (which was ridiculous in itself) ... except now I have an infant in tow. I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed ... I have 3 performances this month, the first of which is this Friday in Las Vegas! I'm super-excited about dancing again, but feeling frustrated that I'm just running around trying to keep up with my own life.

After this week, I have to slow down, otherwise I'm going to run myself into the ground. 

New iPad

Loving my new (and first) iPad! Saving my thumb from all the time I was spending on the phone. Though my thumb is still stuck and swollen when I wake up these days :(
At the studio, recording new music for Kathak with Guru Ji and our awesome musicians. I'm so excited at the thought of working up to dancing to these new tracks.

Enjoyed it while it lasted...

Baby's been waking up in the middle of the night to feed the last few nights. The waking up doesn't bother me, since I used to wake up anyway to pump. But now I'm not storing any milk bc I'm feeding him at night.

Somehow I went thru 2 months of accumulated frozen milk in 1.5 months... So I need to stop doing the whole 'ill have a glass of wine n baby can drink from the bottle.' oh well, it was fun while it lasted. I need to lose weight anyway.
Secondly, my milk production seems to have dramatically decreased. Don't know if it's the stress of this tour (can't wait till may 12th!!) or the fact that I may have gone a little overboard on the dieting in the last couple of weeks. Anyway,am trying to eat better and hope that the milk flow will return.
Also need to figure out how to get him to sleep thru the night again. My suspicion is that bc we're not doing that last bottle feed anymore, he might not be getting enough doodh at night and then wakes up hungry.
Anyway, I've psyched myself up- its not the end of the world if I have to start supplementing w formula. We had a good 3 months fully breastfed run. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed tho!

Newborn no more!

Today Puchku ends his newborn stage and is officially an infant, at 3 months. Even though I don't miss the first couple of months, I can't help but feel a little sad that one phase is already over and it's all going by so fast.
He's becoming cuter with each passing day and I keep wondering his cuteness will plateau-- I can't possibly find him cuter every single day, can I? And will I just keep falling more and more in love with him everyday? I think I know the answer to that one :)

In sf

Spending tues - sat in sf, trying out the new housekeeper/babysitter. So far, so good. I'm exhausted tho. Going to dance, working part time n taking care of baby is pretty hard. But we're lucky that we're able to transition slowly. Going back to atherton is going to feel like a holiday for me :)