Sunday, December 30, 2012

7 steps!

Tonight he was on a roll - kept wanting to try to walk, and was so excited that he was succeeding. We were cheering him on to the point where he would just clap himself after falling down bc he knew it was clap worthy.
Anyway, I'm sad the winter holidays are coming to an end. It's been so much fun spending time w Puchku n King... It's going to be back to the grind n even crazier busy in 2013... But can't wait to see Puchku's new developments!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

5 steps

Yesterday Puchku was so excited to see me in the afternoon that he didn't revert to crawling but walked over to me - mumma was so proud. Of course mumma is proud of everything :)

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Checklist: what not to feed baby

After struggling to put Puchku to sleep for 2 hrs (literally) he finally revealed what the issue was by throwing up all over me (nailed himself n the carpet too, n a little on our bed). Hummus can now be added to the list of foods that he can't eat, which is odd bc he ate the same hummus last week n was just fine. Baba ganoush doesn't suit him either. And any food w heavy masalas. Basically, he has a really sensitive stomach, like his baba.

List of approved spices:
Salt
Turmeric
Cumin

No-no's:
Baba Ganoush
Hummus
Garam masala
Mirchi
Anything else

Thursday, December 6, 2012

First Day away from baby

Did a quick day trip to LA for 'Upaj' work, was gone for a total of 10 hours. It was a glimpse into my old life - where it was just me, jet setting, and only having to worry abt myself. I can't even begin to tell you how much I enjoyed it. Of course coming back didn't make me sad or anything (even tho Pupa was asleep and so today becomes the first day in a long time he hasn't seen me all day) but it made me feel almost guilty that I was missing my old life so much. I also had this epiphany that things had really changed bc if I had missed my flight home, in the past it wouldn't have mattered. It would just cause inconvenience maybe and money. Now that was not an option - Puchku would be really unhappy and cranky they the night without me there and it would be truly difficult. And so life changes!
Anyway, the first overnight trip will be interesting. I cant imagine NOT waking up every 2-3 hrs, and actually sleeping the night thru? Naaah, that's too weird.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Thanksgiving weekend

Talk abt non-stop vacation and fun. Much needed too. Now looking forward to getting back into a serious practice regime and finishing UPAJ documentary!
I realized that even though I don't particularly enjoy reading my old posts abt Puchku right now bc they seem so rushed and unemotional, but it is till good to go back to landmark times for Puchku. Someone asked me when he started saying Mumma and Baba and I realized I didn't remember. So if nothing else, just to note down dates of when he starts doing new stuff.
On that note, he started doing "High Five" this weekend. And he claps and gets so excited abt it bc we cheer so much!

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Long gap

Wow, it's been forever since I last wrote. Freakin blogger even has a totally new look, and I have no idea how to navigate through it all. Anyway, life has been crazy & busy, but it's all good. Puchku is in a totally fun, interactive stage. I feel like 6 months is like a take-off point -- he seems to be growing on a daily basis. I mean, I see him everyday, and he still looks like he's getting big even to me! And he's showing so much more personality every day. We still struggle with the sleeping thing, but I've decided not to do the 'cry it out' bit. I'll live with him waking up 1-2 times a night instead. It's really not that bad. The last couple of days he's been going to bed early -- between 8:30 - 9pm, which is really strange bc until last week he was sleeping between 11-12. I like it though -- me and King get some time to ourselves in the evening. King better start coming home before 9pm though if he wants to see his son at all :-/
Next week we will try a new nanny. Fingers crossed that it works out! And then I can begin some semblance of what our 'normal' life will be like in SF!


Friday, June 22, 2012

Getting there

Just enjoyed a great evening hanging out w my son.... Came back from work not feeling overwhelmed and exhausted and made it a point to put away the phone n just hang out w Puchku. We had a 'picnic' in the backyard - I've been doing this a lot lately- I spread a sheet on the lawn and we hang out in mom n dads beautiful yard... And bc it's a picnic, there's gotta be food... So I feed him in the outdoors. It's fun :)

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Slowing down ... slowly

So, I didn't really slow down that much. I'm trying, but it's not really happening. I extricated myself from a couple of things, but that still wasn't enough. I still feel like I'm running around in circles, trying to get things done, but doing justice to none of them. I feel like there are three choices:

a) be a stay-at-home mom and abandon career -- then you'll finally feel like you're doing justice to being a mom
b) have an ambitious career woman -- hire a full-time nanny, and feel like you're doing justice to your career and continuing to move forward there
c) juggle both -- work from home at 1/4 the capacity that you would normally accomplish stuff in, take baby occasionally to work stuff, and hope people don't mind; leaving baby occasionally at home and feeling guilty about it when you do.

I chose Option C, which is the 'half-assing everything' option. 

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Need to slow down

My life has started becoming crazy busy again. I'm working almost at the same pace I used to work at before I had a kid (which was ridiculous in itself) ... except now I have an infant in tow. I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed ... I have 3 performances this month, the first of which is this Friday in Las Vegas! I'm super-excited about dancing again, but feeling frustrated that I'm just running around trying to keep up with my own life.
After this week, I have to slow down, otherwise I'm going to run myself into the ground. 

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

New iPad

Loving my new (and first) iPad! Saving my thumb from all the time I was spending on the phone. Though my thumb is still stuck and swollen when I wake up these days :(
At the studio, recording new music for Kathak with Guru Ji and our awesome musicians. I'm so excited at the thought of working up to dancing to these new tracks.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Enjoyed it while it lasted...

Baby's been waking up in the middle of the night to feed the last few nights. The waking up doesn't bother me, since I used to wake up anyway to pump. But now I'm not storing any milk bc I'm feeding him at night.

Somehow I went thru 2 months of accumulated frozen milk in 1.5 months... So I need to stop doing the whole 'ill have a glass of wine n baby can drink from the bottle.' oh well, it was fun while it lasted. I need to lose weight anyway.
Secondly, my milk production seems to have dramatically decreased. Don't know if it's the stress of this tour (can't wait till may 12th!!) or the fact that I may have gone a little overboard on the dieting in the last couple of weeks. Anyway,am trying to eat better and hope that the milk flow will return.
Also need to figure out how to get him to sleep thru the night again. My suspicion is that bc we're not doing that last bottle feed anymore, he might not be getting enough doodh at night and then wakes up hungry.
Anyway, I've psyched myself up- its not the end of the world if I have to start supplementing w formula. We had a good 3 months fully breastfed run. I'm still keeping my fingers crossed tho!

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Newborn no more!

Today Puchku ends his newborn stage and is officially an infant, at 3 months. Even though I don't miss the first couple of months, I can't help but feel a little sad that one phase is already over and it's all going by so fast.
He's becoming cuter with each passing day and I keep wondering his cuteness will plateau-- I can't possibly find him cuter every single day, can I? And will I just keep falling more and more in love with him everyday? I think I know the answer to that one :)

Thursday, April 26, 2012

In sf

Spending tues - sat in sf, trying out the new housekeeper/babysitter. So far, so good. I'm exhausted tho. Going to dance, working part time n taking care of baby is pretty hard. But we're lucky that we're able to transition slowly. Going back to atherton is going to feel like a holiday for me :)

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Mother's Day card for Ma ...

I Love Grandma Mother's Day Card
Creating Christmas cards have never been this easy.
View the entire collection of cards.

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

No photo??

I think today was the first day that went by since Puchku was born that I went without taking a single photo of him. I don't know why this is making me feel so sad... I really hope mom & dad got one... I wanted to get at least one pic of him everyday for te first year. Not that I'll ever put it together in an album or anything but i still wanted it to be there in theory.
😥

Friday, April 13, 2012

Baby laughed :D

For the first time today, he laughed. It was so cute- me n mummy squealed with excitement :) tried to catch it on video again but I guess we'll have to wait for the repeat performance.
It was seriously the most exciting thing ever.

Monday, April 9, 2012

Birday Party

Took Puchku to a small birthday dinner tonight at Charlotte didis house. I figure I should start off by taking him to low pressure events - where there's no time constraints and I can easily feed him etc. anyway it was fun and he was a really good boy. A little mummy 'goddar' but by the end he fell asleep in Seibi didi's arms so that was good.
He's becoming a big boy!!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Day of many firsts

Today was the first time I drove with Puchku all by myself. We came upto the city.
Tonight we took Puchku out to a restaurant for dinner for the first time. Even Puchku ended up having dinner there!! (MADD skills in b-feeding)
Tonight's the first night it's just the Brahma family together, in our home :)

Thursday, March 22, 2012

6 week post-partum appt

Got the ok from the doctor on resuming exercising and 'pelvic activity,' as they like to call it. I finally weighed myself, and found that I have lost 20 of the 40 lbs I had put on. I feel pretty encouraged -- losing 20 lbs seems like it's doable. I'm currently 2 dress sizes bigger than my normal size. So I guess you go up a dress size with 10 lbs, huh?

Anyway, will start going to Kathak class next week, and am hoping the weight will start shedding off from there! I miss dancing so much, can't wait to get back into a practice routine, and start performing again!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

There's no place like home

Just came back to our place in SF for the week bc I'm participating in our Darbar production this upcoming weekend (emceeing n reciting) so its easier if I'm in sf itself. So all of us moved for 1 week here (u should've seen the amt of stuff we had!)
Anyway, it just feels awesome to be in our space again. Even though it will be challenging, I'm looking forward to our life here when we're ready to move back.
Puchku's first time in his home too! Aaaah, home sweet home :)

Darbar excitement

The production is looking so good!! It's such a colorful, musical bonanza! Too bad we'd never be able to tour this, as the production value is too high for presenters to take it on.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

Wine after nearly 10 months!

I finally had my first glass of wine after nearly 10 months on Thursday night. We had gotten into a groove when the last time I would feed him would be around 9-10 pm, and his last feed of the night would be the bottle -- so I had a good solid 4-6 hrs before the next express.
Needless to say I was super excited. I had a small 4oz pour n made it last 40 minutes. Def felt light headed. But the relaxation was more than I could handle-- I got sooo sleepy n exhausted, and almost felt it would've been better had I not 'let go' n stayed on my adrenaline driven push forward. Anyway it was fun n nice to know that I can still get glimpses of my normal life again.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Milk obsession

My latest obsession is my milk supply and pumping. I find the whole breast pumping process so fascinating. I mean, it's weird as hell, being hooked up to this machine. But when you see the milk squirting out, it's nothing short of astounding. I'm so proud of each and every bottle. Ive started freezing the milk to create a back log as well. The first few days my supply was increasing quite a bit, but now it's become less than the maximum it reached so I'm getting a little paranoid. Going to start paying more attention to my diet and eat fenugreek everyday!
But seriously, I'm obsessed w pumping. I naturally wake up in the middle of the night - either bc I'm not used to sleeping more than 2.5 hr stretches, or I'm uncomfortable from engorgement, or both ... But I pump in the middle of the night and when I've labeled n stored everything away, I eagerly await the next time I can pump again! I'm sure it'll get old soon, ESP when I have to do this at work - which I'm not looking forward to. But until then, it's incredibly fascinating and satisfying. Lol, how life has changed

Sunday, March 4, 2012

My cutie

I didn't realize it's possible to love someone more n more everyday!

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Who knew?

Who knew your child could make you a morning person?? I've never enjoyed the 6am hour as much as these days when he is wide awake and wants to play.

Let baby sleep

Dr said not to wake up baby at night n let him sleep until he wakes up. Trouble is, now after being on a 1.5 hr sleep schedule for 1 month, and tonight after having slept 3-4 hours straight, I'm wide awake. I'm grateful that he's able to go this long without a feed, bc if (touch wood) every night is like this, my life will be 'normal' again. I just have to get used to not being sleep deprived!

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

One month!

Today is Puchku's one month birthday, and I think I got the best (and most) sleep last night! I am keeping my fingers crossed that his sleep pattern only continues to get better with time. I felt like a normal human being this morning when I woke up... Though I'm still planning on taking a nap after this feed.
Drs appt went well too. Not too much crying when he got his Hep vaccine. He even gave the nurses a smile when they came in at first. He's now 7lbs 2.5 oz! The size of a gora newborn!

Monday, February 27, 2012

Pumping

Yesterday was the first day I pumped -- was so proud of myself :) was surprisingly easier to do than I thought. Puchku drank the 1oz (that took 15 mins to pump) in less than 5 minutes! I need to pump more I guess. Will go to the Health & Wellness center today to get more tips from them on how often to pump etc. I hope its not the same stupid lactation nurse that I had at the hospital, whose advice has been consistently the opposite of that of my doctors. Plus she has this holier than thou attitude. I got carpel tunnels from. Compressing too much thx to her brilliant advice.

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Puchku & Baba

A cute hanging out moment between Puchku and his Baba -- taken on February 10, 2012. 

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Smile!

He's definitely started smiling now, n not just passing gas. He's also awake for more hours of the day.

Today I took him out for a walk in his stroller bc it was a beautiful 70 degree day outside. It was rather pointless tho bc he fell asleep before we even got outside so he couldn't enjoy the change of scenery. Anyway, it was nice for me to get out for a bit.
In the Atherton front yard
Kathak thaat pose? :-)

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Growth spurt

Baby is going through a growth spurt, so instead of 2 to 3 hour feeds, it has become one to two hours. Which really means, by the time I finished feeding, burping, changing diapers, it is about a half an hour to 45 minutes between feeds. At night I pushed it to 2.5 hours between feeds - it was exhausting. I don't mind it in the daytime, because I have nothing better to do than to feed him.
Anyway, I hope he starts getting fat soon. His cheeks have lost a little bit of fact which made me sad :( I think it's because even though he's put on weight, he's also grown 2 inches so that's why he's looking skinnier.
Just realized it's Valentine's Day today. The way I'd love to ideally spend this valentines day is having five consecutive hours of sleep!
Puchku, rooting again!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Nailed my pants

Today, while diaper changing, king held the pee-pee teepee on Puchku, yet he still managed to pee around it. And for the first time, his pee went in a large arc-like trajectory. He nailed everything in its path, including my pants leg.
Somehow he only nails me - never Kingsuk or Nani.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

3.5 hrs vs. 1.5 hrs - a world of difference

Last night I must've shut off my alarm n fallen back asleep bc king and I woke up 2 hrs after our scheduled wake up time. Puchku was sound asleep (touching wood as I type) but poor thing must've been starving bc it had been 5 hrs since his last feed -- and he started nursing right away - no having to do the half a dozen things we usually do to wake him up.
I was amazed at my own energy level. I havent had more than 2 hrs of sleep at a stretch since the night before Puchku was born over two weeks ago. And after 3.5 hrs I felt like I could start a full on regular day.
I'm looking forward to the 1 month mark when we can finally (hopefully) let him sleep more hrs at a stretch.

2 week weight

Today we're taking Puchku to the health and wellness center to weigh him - since our next pediatric appt isn't until the 1 month mark, and I wanna make sure he's increasing in weight steadily until then.
Yesterday was the first day that King went to work. It wasnt bad for me, since I have Mom and Dad, but I did feel sad that he's not there with us throughout the day, since I've gotten used to him being there 24/7 since Puchku was born.
Just came back from the health and wellness center, and Puchku is almost back to his birth weight at 5 lbs 13 oz, which is right on schedule, as he's supposed to be back to is birth weight by the 2 week mark, which is tomorrow for us. He's also grown another half an inch since last week - so in total he's put on 5 oz and grown 2 inches in his first two weeks of life. Lol, imagine how cool it would be if we could grow 2" in two weeks!

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Pee pee teepee

I'm supposed to use this peepee teepee to prevent pee accidents from happening, since boys tend to pretty much always pee during diaper changes. But I really can't be bothered bc his pee is so little in quantity n I just will wash whatever he gets wet. Maybe when he's a bit older I'll care more.
Anyway today while changing he peed, as usual, n nailed my iPhone. Hehehe. So cute :) yeah I'm an over doting mom, guilty as charged ;)

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Just in time

As if to justify our over purchase of clothing, Puchku managed to soil 3 pairs of clothes n now is currently on his 4th outfit of the day -- yay for us! We get to use all the clothes!!

Fun free diet

Baby got gas again last night. I read up on what things cause gas. Aside from the obvious beans, the second thing written was starchy foods, like potatoes and pasta: that's exactly what I had for lunch: potatoes and pasta. I'm so tired of eating dal and rice but I guess that's what I'm going to have to eat for the next few weeks at least, if not months. (sigh!)

One week birthday

We 'celebrated' Puchku's 1st week birthday today at 1:25 pm. And we gave him his first sponge bath. His umbilical cord came off a couple of days ago, so technically we could've given him a real bath but we decided to ease into the process-- I think more for us than for him. He was really good and didnt even cry. Same with him at te doctor's - hardly cried.
King and I went to the newly discovered Carter's store in Mountain View (courtesy Vaishali who went to one in Seattle which prompted us to find our local store) -- where King and I had 20 mins to shop and basically bought their entire newborn layette collection at 40% off. He doesn't fit in any of the 0-3 months stuff and only had a couple of newborn sized outfits. I overheard the lady at the store say to her co-worker 'I've never seen a father so interested and involved in shopping before. Usually they're asking when they can leave.' lol, no surprise there. My hubby loves shopping more than me. He even said before we walked in that I'm not allowed to stop him from buying stuff at the store. So we over shopped in our 20 minute window. Felt great to get out. Can't wait to have all these new outfits to put on him! The sales lady asked us if we were first time parents. We responded, 'that obvious huh?'

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Knocking on wood

I remember whenever I would compliment little babies to their parents -- whether it was abt their well behaved nature or how soundly they slept -- they would always respond by knocking or touching wood. And I never understood why they were all so superstitious - bc some of these people were not even superstitious by nature as far as I was concerned.
Now, I find myself saying the same knock on wood at every juncture. I think it's because we know that the alternative to being in a good place is so terrifyingly difficult, and it could change at the drop of a hat bc it's totally out of your control, that u can't help but beckon the wood gods.
We've def gotten into a better rhythm n groove with baby. The other night king and I even watched an episode of top chef in the evening and it felt a bit like our normal life again. Hopefully the worst of it has passed -- knock on wood.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Feb 1st

Last night poor baby was so disturbed, we just couldn't figure it out. Long story short (and yes, it was a loong night) he was having gas. My milk had just come in yesterday and I guess we weren't properly burping him n he just had really bad gas. He was fussy all night. The 1am feeding finally happened after 4am after several phone calls to the on call pediatric nurse. All this time I was physically in such bad shape -- my stitches were sore, my breasts were so engorged it was paining constantly, and the more he was crying the more engorged they became. And this is not even taking into acct the emotional stress. Poor baby's throat had gone hoarse from crying so much so his cries sounded so sad and pathetic.
(sigh!) it was rough. But he finally fed after a big poo and we managed to get a couple of hours of sleep (2.5 hrs straight!) an then eventually ha another feeding in the morning. I was soooo exhausted and broken in the morning. I felt like I'm falling apart.
Anyway it's the next day ... Or more like a continuation of the same night. This is why ur learning curve is so steep-- it hasn't been 4 days with him but 96 hours, nonstop. Now if only I could find my damn video camera!!!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Labor Day

I want to write this stuff down before I forget it ... bc if there's one thing that I know from women who've had children, you totally forget the entire labor experience very quickly. Not that I should hang on to the bad memories, but it would defeat the purpose of a blog/journal if I don't write down my memories.

Friday after my doctor's appointment, I was determined to further my 3cm dilation ... the contractions had been happening since 5am that morning, and I figured if I could just make them more regular, I would hit 4cm and go into active labor. So I was walking for an hour, which helped. I went and got a foot massage that evening. I started timing my contractions and they were steadily increasing. Note: these contractions were like Braxton Hicks -- not painful, just tightening and slightly uncomfortable.

I must've gone to bed around 2:30 am, and woke up around 4am as my contractions were continuing-- by 5:30 am, they had turned into what I knew were 'real' contractions, bc they started hurting. They say that if you're not able to talk through your contractions, that's a sign that they're real. My game plan was to hold out for one hour of the strong contractions, and then head out to the hospital. I woke up King and told him to shave and start getting ready for the hospital.

By 6:10 I was in extreme pain. While the initial strong contractions felt like really bad period cramps, and then there would be down time (3-4 mins) before the next contraction -- pretty soon, the 'down time' was the feeling of really bad period cramps, and then a strong contraction would come, and the deep breaths I was taking weren't helping anymore -- I was wriggling around in all sorts of positions (on the exercise ball, on all fours, squatting, anything) to find something that would make me feel in less pain. At this point I told King -- let's go to the hospital. I wasn't waiting until 6:30. But it took me long to get ready bc I couldn't do anything until I was in between contractions -- I stopped timing them at this point bc it was pretty obvious I was in labor. That and I was in so much pain, I couldn't give a sh-- about hitting start & stop on my iPhone app. My teeth started chattering really hard, and my whole body was shaking violently -- but I wasn't cold. Mummy woke up at this point, and decided to join us at the hospital as well. Once we got in the car, King started coaching me through the breathing as we made the 10 minute drive there.

We reached the hospital at 7am, and just as I stepped out of the car, my water broke. Mummy wheeled me into the hospital while King parked. Each moment was so incredibly painful and long lasting for me -- I was so irritated by everything being done around me bc I felt like everyone was taking too long to make simple decisions and do the one obvious thing that needed to be done -- get me into the freakin' hospital.

On a side analogy ... you know when you're so incredibly drunk that you have no idea what the hell is going on around you? You are concentrating so hard on just making it from point A to point B (which is usually to the bathroom, or back to your bed, or wherever it is that you are planning on passing out) ... and when you think back to that experience, you have no real recollection of the events happening around you, except that you somehow made it from one event to the next. That's how I felt about the pain. It was so intense that I have no idea what was happening around me, all I could concentrate on was my breathing.

I was 5-6 cm dilated at this point -- my goal was to make it to 4cm (lol, which is just the start of active labor) so I requested the epidural. It took about another hour for the epidural to finally get administered and take effect -- the contractions got REALLY strong at this point. And on top of that, I had to stay still for the administering of the epidural, which was really hard to do, esp with all my shaking. The more I was tensing up, the more the epidural was hurting when he was putting the needle in.

Finally, the epidural was in, and while I thought it would take 30 minutes to take effect, it took more like 10. Oh my God --- thank the Lords of Kobol for modern medicine. Those of you who did this without an epidural -- I bow to you -- bc I don't know how you could withstand hour after hour of that pain -- 2.5 hours of that was my upper limit. At this point, I could still feel the contractions, but it was the head pushing down on my cervix -- which kinda felt like I had to go #2. I knew I wasn't supposed to push at this point bc I wasn't fully dilated, so I would just ignore it, and let it  be.

I had the best 2 hour nap of my life. I seriously hadn't slept this well my entire pregnancy, and I remembered thinking to myself, 'I hope the nurse doesn't wake me up; I could sleep for another 3 days like this -- maybe we can deliver the baby in three days?' It was around 10am at this point, and I told King that I'd probably be ready to push around noon (I was 7-8 cm dilated, but baby's head was still far up). King thought it would be closer to 3-4pm. The nurse woke me up around 1pm and checked and saw that the baby had descended, and I was fully dilated. So we did our first practice push. At the end of the push, she said to King (who was holding one leg while the nurse had the other leg) 'See that black part? That's the top of the baby's head.' I was really encouraged, I figured, it can't be that far if they can already see the top of the baby's head. We did a few more pushes, and I was gaging how it was going based on King & the nurse's reactions and expressions. King said to me in Hindi at this point 'Don't push so much, let's wait for the doctor to come.' I was thinking to myself 'Uhhh, I'm not waiting. I'm gonna push if I feel like pushing.' The doctor arrived, and we did a couple of pushes more, and then she said she was going to go take care of some paperwork. The nurse quickly called her back saying 'Come back, the baby's coming.'

The last push was really the most memorable. Because I could see from King's expression that the baby was coming out. And I could feel the pressure of the head coming out, and gave an extra hard push to just make it happen. I could feel the whole shape of the head coming out, and then the small body sliding out after that. And that was that -- it was over, I couldn't believe it (my placenta came out shortly afterwards, and I gotta tell you, that was the best feeling -- I felt so light and relieved afterwards).

Baby wasn't breathing properly, so they had to resuscitate him. The doctors & nurses weren't worried so I didn't stress out either. After a couple of minutes, I was feeling sad because I still hadn't heard the baby cry, and I couldn't see the baby because he was at the table with the nurse & pediatrician. A couple of minutes later I did hear him cry, and then they brought him to me and put him on my chest. It was so strange -- I had a hard time associating that the same baby that was inside me was this baby that was in my arms. It just felt like somebody had put a baby on me and told me 'this is yours,' and I'm supposed to believe it.

After that I was supposed to try to feed him. I honestly don't remember much of that, except that I felt like I had no idea what I was doing, but again, just being told what to do. There was surprisingly a lot less motherly emotion flowing through me at this time than I had anticipated. When I was pregnant and would sometimes think about the baby inside me, I would get emotional and even cry -- but there were no tears during the delivery, or upon seeing the baby. I was feeling a crisis of faith so to speak, abt the fact that I had named him 'Puchku' already, bc I would look at this baby, and think 'this is Puchku?' Because I had created an imaginary baby in my head that was Puchku, and the two images were not coinciding for me. I told myself, it's ok, I can give him a different nickname. The only place we've written it down were in the books that Priti got for him - but that's ok,  babies have tons of nicknames. I thought to myself, for the next baby, I'm not giving him a nickname before he's born. But that soon passed -- because as my family came, and they all repeatedly referred to him as Puchku, the name started to stick, and I was ok with it.



I also told King, within minutes of giving birth "Babe, I could do this two more times." :-) 

Friday, January 27, 2012

3 cm!!!

I'm almost there now! The doctor was feeling very optimistic about my progress, and I'm also feeling very good. She also did some weird massage that they often do after 39 weeks which helps the baby come out. Now I'm trying to walk a lot to keep the contractions coming. Hopefully by Monday I'll have a baby!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Lots of walking!

Walked for 1 hour and 15 minutes today -- it was awesome weather today, there was a warmth in the air. And got a mani-pedi (secretly hoping the foot massage would induce contractions!) and ate gol gappas (puchkha's!) -- another old wives' tale, that it'll make you go into labor.

No such luck! At least my toes look pretty :-) 

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

41 weeks?!?

Last week on Friday my doctor told me that 51% of first time babies are born after their due date, and scheduled my 41st week appt. I was so disappointed :(
But I've accepted now that he's not coming till feb and am ok with it. She told me to walk more- a whole hour. I did 35 mins and then went to the mall with Mummy today for 2 hrs and am exhausted now.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

More vivid dreams...

Last night's dream consisted of me being in the SF apartment, and I was checking myself out in the mirror, and remarking how I hardly look pregnant. I think I have this recurring dream every 3-4 nights, where my body has miraculously gone back to what it looked like when I was 4-5 months pregnant (which in retrospect, doesn't even look like I'm pregnant!) ... and I'll get so excited that I can do normal physical activity -- brisk walking, running, slipping out of car doors, etc. And then, of course, I wake up, and I'm still a hippo.

Me at 4 months pregnant
Anyway, so back to my dream ... as I was enjoying my slimmer figure, I thought 'wait, where's the baby if my stomach is so flat?' and at that moment my water broke, all over the bathroom rug. I was alone in the apartment, so called Kingsuk ... and heard his phone ringing in the apartment, and realized that both Kutu and Kingsuk were in the apartment all this time.  I woke them up -- in my dream, we had hosted a dinner party the night before, and they were tired and hungover, and I had woken up early and was cleaning the apartment (this was obviously in slimmer times; now I can barely move) -- so I told them to start getting ready to go to the hospital. But the whole time, I was really concerned about the paneer sabji I had made the night before, and all the leftover food, and was trying to get them to pack the food so that it wouldn't go waste -- whereas, they were more concerned with getting me to the hospital.

The dream ended there ... and I woke up, still hugely pregnant.


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Poopie Dreams

I had a very, very realistic dream last night, where I thought it was really happening. Baby had been born, and we were bringing him home. First of all, he looked like Shivaranjani (Guru ji's daughter), which was strange in itself, and I kept thinking how he's too big to fit into the Newborn sized clothes that we bought for him, and how those will probably go to waste.

Then I noticed that it was mom & me driving the baby back, and the carseat was behind the driver's seat, and I was irritated -- who set it up all wrong? I hadn't even turned back to look at the baby until we arrived at home. We got home and mom & I struggled to take the car seat out of the car, but we managed, and waited for Daddy & Kingsuk to arrive in the other car.

We were hanging out with baby at home, and then I said that we should probably change the baby's diaper. I opened the diaper and there was yellow poo all over -- it had gotten on baby's back (which I've seen) but also got everywhere in baby's hair too! And bc of the umbilical cord, we couldn't just give the baby a bath, so we were all taking out poo by hand from baby's hair. At this point, baby's head transformed into a brussels sprout size, and taking out the poo was like taking of layers of brussels sprouts leaves -- but very gently.

Me and Baby Shivaranjani
I woke up feeling like such a failure of a parent. I feel like I'm not ready for anything -- I'm tired of being pregnant, but I'm not ready to go into labor, and I'm totally not ready for all the feeding & poopings & lack of sleep that comes thereafter. I know it's probably just an overreaction, and common anxiety to have before the baby arrives ... but it was just a crappy dream (no pun intended). 

Friday, January 13, 2012

Bored

Baby's moved into back labor position, which sucks. But there's still time so I'll do my stretches n hopefully move him back into proper position. No further dilation :( I need to start walking more so I can bring on contractions.
Two weeks, four days left.

Thursday, January 12, 2012

Full term

Baby's now full term... So anyday now would be great! I know, I know, it's better for him to stay there till the end (sigh!). Since this weekend's contractions I've been pretty contraction free- had a few Braxton Hicks today but nothing out of the ordinary.
So I'm just trying to enjoy this down time before the sleepless nights begin. Since I'm dwindling down my involvement at work (I am after all on maternity leave!) and bc we've had no Internet this past week (which has been a blessing in disguise for me to actually disengage from work) I'm finding more time to do stuff. So watching mom knitting all this stuff for Puckhu inspired me and I started knitting a sweater last night for Puckhu. Ok, I don't know how to knit sweaters, but I figure I'll do as much as I can and then hand it off to mom from there :)

Sunday, January 8, 2012

False labor

Contractions have stopped. So frustrating. Hardly got any sleep last night, was in discomfort, and to no avail! (sigh!) I guess I should be happy he's staying in there longer. I'm just tired now after last night. Again, prolly good practice/prep for the real thing. Grrrr....!

Spoke too soon

Ok, not sure where I stand, but have been having low intensity contractions for the last 12 hrs now. False labor? Braxton hicks? Or just a very long early labor?
I guess we'll find out today!

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Countdown begins!

3 weeks, 3 days to go! Now I have weekly check ups with the doc... I've already started dilating which is a good sign for a first time pregnancy... And baby is in the proper position. Yay!! Really hopeful and keeping my fingers crossed for a normal birth, no C-section. And as of Tuesday, it'll be a full term pregnancy! A couple of weeks ago I was thinking that baby will be coming earlier than the due date... Now I think that he's comfortably nestled in there and not coming out anytime soon. But who knows, I have no basis for this judgement!
Anyway, was really excited after the docs appt to hear that all is well on its way. Next week she'll approximate the weight of baby.