Sunday, September 9, 2007

Retroactive posts


Since I didn't write during the most important time of my life, I am going to retroactively write about some things that happened, as I feel like it.

All throughout the wedding chaos it never really hit me that I'm getting married. Sure, I was getting congratulated dozens of times a day, and everything in my family's life was revolving around the wedding, but it never really hit me all the way. The day of the haldi it hit me a little more, when all the aunties sang 'banni' songs and blessed me ... it invoked the image I had seen so many times before at other weddings ... and knowing that I was the one they were singing for was a big hitting point.

Even the day of the wedding, when I was remarkably composed and not stressing out or being a basket case ... I calmly got ready for the wedding. We even sneaked out onto the balcony in our bath robes and saw the baraat leaving -- even then it didn't hit me. We continued getting me ready out in the bedroom, since the lighting was better there. When all was ready, and we went in front of a mirror for the final touches, I saw myself for the first time as a bride, and it was a surprisingly overwhelming feeling. If I didn't have Smita and Shilpa didi there at the time, I would have probably burst out into tears right then and there. It's hard to explain what was so emotional about that image ... perhaps the lifetime of imagining this moment ... or the associations that Hindi movies (and other weddings we've been to) have created with a bride ... but the Indian bride has such a specific look ... and knowing that this is the first and the last time you'll ever look like this ... it bears more impact than you'd realize.

The only other time that it hit me that I was getting married was when my father was bringing me out to the altar ... and I stood there in front of all 150 guests -- friends, family -- and directly in front of me was my Dulha, again, in a very specific look that he will never repeat again in his life. I almost started crying then, but my dad was with me and said 'Don't cry yet! It'll ruin your makeup!' If that doesn't make someone laugh, I don't know what would.

And now I've digressed so much that I haven't talked about what I really wanted to say. Will have to save that for another post.

1 comment:

  1. I am so happy that you decided to write again. As much as you enjoy keeping a journal, one day you'll be so pleased to read how you felt at the time you were getting married.
    I am glad I could be there for you. Like I said, I don't remember much from that day when I was getting married except for the fact that I was so nervous and overwhelmed.

    love,
    Shilpa

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